Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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