he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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