Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
