I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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