I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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