Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
