fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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