Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
