soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Randomize
