you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
