I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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