Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.

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(419): View more from Ohio

you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you

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(253): View more from Washington

Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex

(773): View more from Illinois

SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(816): View more from Missouri

Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol

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(330): View more from Ohio

Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol

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