Texts From Last Night

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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...

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  (918): She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger... http://tfl.nu/dhcq
  Replies (6) Good night (573) Bad night (3294)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.

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  (843): I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over. http://tfl.nu/mbe0
  Replies (9) Good night (4165) Bad night (606)
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  (619): View more from California

  guys are not supposed to queef...right?

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  (619): guys are not supposed to queef...right? http://tfl.nu/p86m
  Replies (96) Good night (786) Bad night (7066)
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  (805): View more from California

  im having a threesome with these popsicles

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  (805): im having a threesome with these popsicles http://tfl.nu/tuy7
  Replies (27) Good night (3389) Bad night (1343)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.

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  (913): he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying. http://tfl.nu/sfs9
  Replies (18) Good night (1668) Bad night (4365)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me

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  (703): i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me http://tfl.nu/57r1
  Replies (1) Good night (2091) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.

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  (781): please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again. http://tfl.nu/xtmx
  Replies (9) Good night (4961) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.

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  (778): Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house. http://tfl.nu/6cay
  Replies (6) Good night (728) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.

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  (914): I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go. http://tfl.nu/xxmp
  Replies (2) Good night (1017) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.

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  (410): I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man. http://tfl.nu/n99f
  Replies (2) Good night (381) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.

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  (859): I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation. http://tfl.nu/e71w
  Replies (1) Good night (346) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.

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  (+61): I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit. http://tfl.nu/qiro
  Replies (2) Good night (1171) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.

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  (270): I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony. http://tfl.nu/dln2
  Replies (1) Good night (602) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.

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  (205): I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices. http://tfl.nu/j09c
  Replies (0) Good night (448) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.

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  (407): I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter. http://tfl.nu/s90t
  Replies (1) Good night (375) Bad night (273)

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