My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today