I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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