Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.