i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.