You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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