Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
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I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
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I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him