he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
