I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
