You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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