i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
