That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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