I'm really into asian looking animals
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
