I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
