is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT