Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
