I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
