Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
