I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
