Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
