It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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