Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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