true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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