you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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