bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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