I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize