So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
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Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
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there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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