We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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