Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
