im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
