return my video game
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
