I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
