Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
