Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
