so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
