youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
