You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
