The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
