the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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