onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
