Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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