just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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