hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
