I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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