Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
