We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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