My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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