So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
