you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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