Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize