Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
