I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
