just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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