he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize