Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
