Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im six kinds of drunk right now
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize