does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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