I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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