So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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