i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
