you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
