Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
