I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
