Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
