P.S. I can't hear my feet
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
