she peed on how many people?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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