I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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