had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
